Ask a therapist: Understanding triggers

For today’s Ask A Therapist question, I want to share some information about triggers. I think in this season of quarantine, all of us are feeling all the feelings. Right? So many heightened emotions. The emotions we are feeling around Covid and quarantine can really heighten any latent anxieties or triggers from our past.

First, what is a trigger? It’s when an issue in your present is triggering something from your past. In the present moment, you might have a heightened reaction, not necessarily because the present circumstances call for such a reaction, but because you are actually responding to something out of your past, in addition to the present situation. This means that you may have a level 10 reaction to an event that really warrants a level 3 response. Triggers usually catch us off guard a little bit in the moment because we find ourself having a really heightened emotional reaction, and in the moment we might not understand why or have it makes sense.

Basically, this is where being connected to our body, super helpful. Because our body lets us know what's happening for us emotionally. For me, if I'm in a triggered situation (anger is typically an emotion associated with my triggers), I'll notice that I'm feeling really angry, even if the situation might not necessarily warrant anger on the surface. , My body clue me in that I’m being triggered.. My face will get hot, my heart rate will be increased, my breathing will change. As we're tuned into our body, we can be aware if we're having a heightened response. If we are, then it's an opportunity to do what we need to do to apply some emotional first aid in that moment.

I think what can be helpful is, if you're noticing a heightened emotional response, can you take a time out? Can you take a pause? Can you withdraw yourself from that situation for a minute? We know that once the nervous system gets amped up and we are triggered, our brain will be what psychologists refer to as “flooded.” Basically, you have adrenaline, cortisol, stress hormones that are released in your body, and you go into that fight or flight response. That fight or flight response takes over, and then the physiological changes happen in your body. When you’re flooded, the prefrontal cortex, which is the front part of the brain that's in charge of reasoning, decision-making, logic, it literally goes offline. It takes at least 20 minutes to get the prefrontal cortex back online by doing calming things to calm the nervous system down, like deep breathing.

So by removing yourself from the situation, taking a break, and cooling off, you can give your brain the 20+ minutes it needs to return to baseline after being flooded. Literally, taking a pause is important, because in the moment when we're triggered, we're living out of our emotional brain, and so we're not going to be able to make fully logical decisions. Because, literally, the part of our brain that does that is not online at that moment. If you can take a time out, breathe, pause, go for a walk.

If this is happening as an argument with a significant other or a friend, whatever, communicating that you need a break, not because you're checking out or shutting down emotionally, but because you want to actually find a resolution, you want to work this out with that person, but it would be counterproductive to continue doing it when you're in a triggered state. You can communicate that to them, and if it's your partner or a roommate or something, these are good conversations to have in advance of a triggered moment., We can develop in advance a protocol of how we want to respond when we're feeling triggered, basically, so that you guys can work through things in a productive way.

So pause, breathe, help get yourself back online, and then respond to yourself with empathy. This is a big one, is sometimes we can shame ourselves out of our emotional responses. We can feel we're overreacting. We can think that we are unreasonable. We can judge ourselves and just be like, "This shouldn't be a big deal. I should just get over it." Anytime we're using the word “should” in our self talk, that's an indication that we're probably judging ourself. Right? We're probably shaming ourself a little bit.

Instead of shaming, it's more helpful to respond with self compassion and empathy. Allow yourself to have that feeling. Allow yourself to explore it. It's okay. Whatever you're feeling is totally okay. There's a reason for it. Respond to yourself with empathy and explore what those feelings are. In fact, this trigger is helpful, because it’s letting you know there’s pain from the past that still needs your healing and attention to be resolved.

So in the moment, connect to what you feel in your body, and then put an emotion word to it. What is this pressure in my chest? If this could speak, if it could say, "I feel _____," what would it say? Try to name those emotions. Labeling emotions is such a small but massively helpful thing that you can do to really start to get resolution and work through something.

If we don't know what we're feeling, then we're probably going to just feel really overwhelmed. I know I've posted about this a number of times, I just find it such a helpful concept. But, feelings are external indicators of internal needs. Just like the light on the dashboard of your car, the check engine light says, "Oh, something internally that I can't see needs my attention on the inside of vehicle," our emotions, let us know what our internal needs are that we need to respond to.

By naming the emotion, that gives us a clue where we can start figuring out what need is this letting me know? The painful, difficult emotions are letting us know about our needs internally that are unmet, and that causes pain for us. They're meant to help us get that need met and effectively, and when the need is effectively met, then the emotion will easily resolve. But, we have to use self awareness to get the message of those emotions. Otherwise, we're just stuck in that emotional state, or maybe when the feeling dissipates, , but it's still there waiting to come up next time we get triggered.

Pausing, breathing, checking in with yourself, having empathy, exploring your emotions, being your own safe place, not judging yourself, but letting yourself feel whatever you feel is okay, naming that emotion, and then connecting it to that need. As you learn to explore and figure out, because it's not always easy to know what our emotions are signaling about our needs. But that's where I think it's beneficial to sit and take some time to explore that. Journaling, talking it out with a friend, having a therapist. I'm a big fan of using some inventories that lists emotions and needs, where you can literally sit down, name emotions, and connect them to what your needs are. Those are some helpful things that you can do in the moment.

Then, you can come back and re-enter that situation, whether it was a conflict that you were triggered from, or whatever was happening, and you'll have a lot more insight and be able to have a different outcome, because you have a lot more information about what you were responding to.

I hope that's helpful! Let me know if you use any of these strategies and how it goes!