What is brainspotting therapy and can it help me?

What is brainspotting?

Brainspotting is a powerful technique that is a combination of neuroscience, somatic therapy, mindfulness, and the healing power of the relationship between you and a caring, attuned therapist.

In nutshell, brainspotting is staring at a point in your visual field that helps to activate an emotional issue you want to process. The brain uses this eye position to help you activate these neural networks in the brain and body, and it goes to work re-processing them as you practice mindfulness with the help of your therapist.

If you’ve heard of EMDR, brainspotting uses eye movements in a similar way to access certain parts of the brain, but the technique is a little bit different.

Brainspotting helps to activate the natural healing system of the brain and body.

What happens in a brainspotting session?

A brainspotting therapy session is different than a regular talk therapy session. In a brainspotting session, you and your therapist will identify an issue you want to work on. This can be a trauma, a negative self-belief, a powerful emotion, a creative block, or an area of expansion and self-growth you want to focus on.

Then together we will determine a point in your visual field where this issue is most activated in you. By “activated,” what I mean is that you are aware of somatic feelings in your body related to this issue. As you tune into those feelings in your body, your brain will also be lighting up in the deeper regions where neural pathways related to this topic are located.

“Where you look affects how you feel.”

The therapist will then use a pointer to help you fix your eyes to this point and then invite you to notice what you are feeling and thinking. This is essentially practicing mindfulness, making space for any emotion, thought, or feeling with compassion and curiosity. This is also powerful to do with a therapist present with you, attuning to your needs, helping you when you get stuck, and assuring you that you are not alone as you re-experience whatever things come up for you.

As you do this, the brain is literally changing the way this content is stored in your body and re-processing it in a way that promotes more healing, resilience, and integration. Think of it like locating a corrupted file on your computer and running a software program that de-bugs the file and re-saves it as an intact file that is no longer corrupted. That’s an analogy of how this technique activates the innate healing power of your own brain and body.

The power of brainspotting also comes from the relationship between the therapist and client. Having the attuned presence of a caring and grounded therapist can enable clients to feel safer to experience painful or anxiety-provoking thoughts, feelings and sensations. It is powerful to experience your thoughts and feelings mindfully but knowing that are not alone with them, but connected to another compassionate human being here to help navigate you through whatever comes up.

How to find a brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA?

If you are looking for a brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA or WA state, I can help! I would love to introduce you to this powerful modality and draw upon it and other therapeutic tools to help you find lasting relief from trauma, anxiety, depression, or whatever patterns you are looking to re-write in your life.

Give me a call today for a free 15-min phone consultation to find out if we’d be a good fit!

10 ways to stop a panic attack

In the last blog, we looked at the symptoms of a panic attack. Today, let’s talk about 10 tips for helping to stop the panic.

1. Realize that you are going to be ok

Often having a panic attack can feel like you’re about to die. It is common to have impending feelings of doom or to mistake them for a heart attack. If panic attacks are a new experience for you, you should consult with your doctor to rule out medical conditions. If it’s determined to be panic attacks you are dealing with, when they start to happen remind yourself “I’m going to be ok.” Repeat that in your head as a mantra. Panic attacks are physically uncomfortable, but not dangerous. And they always end. Typically the worst of a panic attack will peak after 5-20 minutes.

2. Be kind to yourself

Panic attacks are nothing to be ashamed of. They do not mean you are weak or over-dramatic. The symptoms show that actually, your body is working hard to try and keep you safe from something it perceives as a threat. So be kind to yourself. Many people feel embarrassed by experiencing these, but if you can turn your attention toward kindness, that will help soothe the panic. Be kind to yourself like a comforting and safe adult would be to a child. In the moment, repeating a mantra like “it’s going to be ok,” or “I can get through this,” or “this will end,” can help. Turn on a comforting song, wrap yourself in a weighted blanket if that helps you, and when it’s over, give yourself some extra comfort.

3. Ride the wave

Treat panic attacks as a wave to surf rather than something to resist. In surfing, if you try to resist a cresting wave, you are just going to get pounded by that wave and taken under. Don’t resist the symptoms. Don’t focus on how you want them to stop. Do you remember those finger-trap toys we played with as kids? The ones that would trap your fingers at either end if you pulled to escape them? The more forcefully you try to pull out of those, the more stuck you become. The trick is to lean into the symptoms. Let them run their course without resisting them. That means letting the rapid heartbeat, the shaking, the derealization, etc. happen without trying to stop it or overly fixate on it. If you do this, the symptoms will alleviate much faster.

4. Try box breathing

When you’re having a panic attack your system is in fight or flight. Regulating our breathing is a powerful way to help the brain shift back into the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to relax your body. During a panic attack, we are often breathing shallowly and possibly hyperventilating. Try box breathing instead. To do this, you inhale for a count of 4, hold your breath for 4, breathe out for 4, and then pause for 4. Then you inhale for 4 and keep repeating the cycle. Here’s a video on youtube that lets you breathe along with a calming visual to make box breathing easy.

5. Use grounding techniques

In addition to box breathing, grounding techniques are something you can do in the moment to help alleviate your symptoms of a panic attack. Grounding here refers to grounding yourself in the present moment using your 5 senses. Most often when we have panic attacks, our bodies are responding to a perceived threat that might not be happening at the moment. Our threat detection system is overly sensitive, and it’s like a car alarm going off with a firework—no one is actually breaking in, but the system went off by mistake. If that’s the case, then getting into our 5 sense and the present moment helps our body see that we are actually safe right now. To do this, focus on physical sensations. What can you hear? See? Touch? Taste? Smell?

A helpful exercise to practice this is the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise. To do this, look around your room and say out loud 5 things you can see. I like to name 5 things that are the same color, like 5 blue things in my room. Then 4 things you can touch and as you touch them, describe the texture and allow yourself to focus on what it actually feels like. Then 3 things you can hear, really tune into those sounds. Then 2 things you can smell, maybe an essential oil, some lotion, a scented candle, an orange. Let the smell fill your sense. Then one thing you can taste. Eat a piece of chocolate, a hard candy, some orange, whatever you have. Focus on the sensation of taste you are experiencing. The more you focus on your physical experience the less you are focusing on the anxious thoughts and allowing yourself to reconnect to the present moment. Here’s a video to walk you through this exercise.

6. Use visual imagery

Another thing you can try in a moment of anxiety is to imagine a peaceful place and try to inhabit that vision in your imagination as much as possible. Maybe you imagine sitting by a mountain stream, or walking on the beach. Pay attention to the physical details. Can you feel the wind on your face? The sound of waves crashing? The feeling of sand between your toes? Choose a location that is calming for you. Try to get into the sensory details of the experience as much as possible. This is another way to take the focus off your symptoms and help you ride the wave of panic safely to the shore.

7. Go for a walk

When you are in fight or flight, your body systems are on alert to try and protect you from a threat. One way our body does this is preparing your body to run from a threat. Blood literally goes into your arms and legs so you can run, which is why you may have a tingling sensation in your hands and feet. Blood is channeled away from your abdomen and head, which is why you may feel sick to your stomach or light-headed. Going for a walk is doing what your body wants to do—to move! So try walking around the block, or doing some pushups, or doing a short sprint. This one won’t be for everyone, but some people find this immensely helpful. Plus, if it’s safe to go outside, the change in environment can be calming.

8. Ask for support

This is a big one! Don’t go it alone! If you have a friend, family member or pet that you can be with while you are experiencing a panic attack, that can help comfort you. They can be a loving presence with you helping you know that you are going to be ok. If you’re alone when you’re having one, think about if there is anyone you can call or text for support. Do be careful with this one though as some people don’t know how to respond when you’re having a panic attack. It’s best if you talk to your support people before a panic attack comes on. Let them know this is something you experience sometime and ask if they’d be willing to support you if you are having an episode. Then tell them how to support you. Generally, that means that they just are a loving and kind presence with you. Let them know there’s nothing to fix and that it’s not a medical emergency, just something that you have to let run its course.

9. Be careful with medications

If you are experiencing panic attacks, it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor. It used to be a practice in the past that a class of medications called benzodiazapines would be prescribed for panic attacks. That includes medications like Klonipin, Valium, Xanax, and others. These meds work as gentle tranquilizers and slow down messages between your brain and body. These medications have their place, but are generally only safe for very occasional use, like before a surgery. If they are taken frequently, they can be addictive. When the body habituates to them and then you try to come off of them, many people experience rebound anxiety. Sometimes the rebound anxiety can be worse than the initial anxiety that drove them to start the medication in the first place. These are not often prescribed for panic attacks anymore, but it’s good for you to be aware of and stay away from these medications if possible unless monitored closely by an experienced psychiatric medication prescriber.

10. Counseling can help

Panic attacks can be very scary, especially if they come on out of the blue or often. Just know you don’t have to go through this alone. Panic attacks are highly treatable, and working with a therapist can help you practice these techniques to get through them more easily. A counselor can also help you identify what is triggering your anxiety, help you process and heal past trauma that may be contributing, and help you create a plan for wellness to minimize the impact of panic attacks. If you’d like to see if you and I might be a good fit to help you decrease panic attacks and find your peace again, give me a call today for a free phone consultation.

What are the symptoms of a panic attack?

Do you struggle with panic attacks?

You’re not alone.

Anxiety disorders are the most prevalent of any mental illness in the US. Nearly 20% of the US population aged 18 and older suffers from an anxiety disorder every year (Anxiety and Depression Association of America). Almost 5% of Americans will experience a panic disorder at some time in their lives (National Institute for Mental Health). Women are twice as likely to experience panic disorder than men.

The good news is that panic attacks are highly treatable, as are all anxiety disorders. But sadly many suffer without seeking help.

My own experience with panic attacks

As a therapist, I work with a lot of folks experiencing these symptoms, and I have experienced them myself, too. In my mid-20’s I had my first panic attack “out of the blue,” and I had no idea what was happening to me. The heart palpitations, the light-headedness, the feelings of doom… I hated getting ambushed by panic attacks.

When they first hit, I felt like I might die, or at the very least something was seriously wrong with me. At that time I hadn’t even heard of a panic attack. As they started happening more and more, I feared being in crowded public places or traveling, in case one hit me and I felt trapped. If I did have to be at a public event, I always had an eye on the exits, sat on the end of a row so I could get out quickly if I needed to, and I was never without water and snacks in case I felt the dreaded light-headedness coming on.

I went to my primary care doctor and she diagnosed with me panic disorder, and I thought, “Whoa, that sounds serious—I have a disorder now?” She didn’t offer any help except for a medication that I could take when one came on, but the meds made me feel floaty and disconnected from reality. I didn’t really like it, and I didn’t want to get addicted to a medication. This ended up being a good instinct as the kind of medication she prescribed me (Klonipin, which is in a class of drugs known as benzodiazepines) are now known to be addictive and often makes things worse if taken too frequently for panic attacks. (These drugs are less often prescribed now, and prescribers are more aware of the danger of dependency and do a better job educating patients about this.)

It wasn’t until years later in therapy and my own research that I learned the skills that helped me get the panic attacks under control. The biggest breakthrough came through learning that panic attacks, while very uncomfortable, are not actually dangerous. Once I learned that and a few skills, things dramatically changed for the better. But more on this in the next post.

My goal in this blog is to help you learn to recognize the symptoms of a panic attack so you can feel less afraid of the symptoms and more empowered to get the help you need to feel better fast.

Symptoms of a panic attack

A panic attack is characterized by a onset of sudden and intense anxiety. It is accompanied by physical symptoms such as:

• Racing, pounding heart or the feeling your heart is skipping a beat

• Brethtlessness

• Shaking

• Sweating

• Tunnel vision

• lightheadedness or dizziness

• nausea or stomach distress

• dry mouth

• feelings of derealization or depersonalization

People not familiar with panic attacks may think they are having a heart attack. It is also common to feel like you may faint or even die.

It’s easy to see how these scary symptoms can lead people to develop a fear of having the next one, and to try and shrink their world down in protection to prevent that.

Panic disorder versus panic attacks

Panic disorder is when you’ve had at least two panic attacks and you constantly worry and change your routine to keep from having another one. It’s a type of anxiety disorder (WebMD).

What makes panic disorder debilitating is not necessarily the panic attacks themselves, but the fear of panic attacks. This fear of fear causes people to shink their lives smaller and smaller to feel safe. For example, people may become afraid of being in crowded places, driving, traveling too far from home, exercising, or even leaving the house. This can be incredibly debilitating and cause a strain on people’s ability to go to work or school, have relationships, and function in their daily lives.

Get help for panic attacks

In my next post, I will discuss ways to treat panic attacks, including some exercises you can use on your own.

But in the meantime, if you relate to any of these symptoms, counseling can help. You don’t have to suffer alone. Reach out today for a free 15-min phone consultation to see if we’d be a good fit, and let’s walk together through the panic and out the other side to a more peaceful, empowered life.

The benefits of online therapy | How to find online therapy in Washington state

Are you looking for an online therapist in Washington state? The verdict is in, and online therapy is an effective and accessible means of working on your mental health goals from anywhere. Let’s take a look at some of the benefits of online counseling.

Online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy

Covid sucks. But one good thing it gave us (other than our new sourdough baking habit and collection of sweatpants) is way more opportunities to see therapists online than in the pre-pandemic days. Now, practically all therapists offer online appointments. But is seeing a therapist online as effective as in-person?

Yes!

There have been numerous studies that support the effectiveness of online therapy in a host of mental health issues like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and more. Not only that, but studies find that patients are generally just as satisfied with online counseling as they are with in-person counseling.

According to the National Center for Health Research:

Research has found that online therapy can be effective at treating anxiety, depression, and trauma. There is no difference in patient satisfaction depending on whether therapy is online or in-person, and for either method of receiving therapy, the outcomes are better the more sessions someone attends.

Doing online therapy in Washington state means you have more selection in finding the right therapist for you

It can be hard to find the exact right therapist you are looking for. Someone who has the personality that puts you at ease, the expertise to help with your issue, and the methods that suit your needs best. Sometimes, you just aren’t able to find that person in your city. But with online therapy, that is no longer a problem. You can expand your search to anywhere in your state! Try googling your search terms and using different metro areas in your state. If you already searched “anxiety therapist Tacoma,” or “therapist for women Seattle,” try searching with different metro areas like Bellingham, Spokane, etc., or “online therapy WA state anxiety.,” etc. This will help you expand your options. You can also do this by using different zip codes on websites like www.psychologytoday.com or www.therapyden.com.

Online therapy gives you convenience and comfort that make taking care of your mental health a little easier

It feels like there is more to be stressed about in life than ever before, and many of us have never been busier. It’s really hard to make time for the self-care things we all want to do and know we should be doing. Exercise, prepping healthy food, taking care of our mental health. It can feel impossible to fit everything in. Online therapy in WA state is a great option if this sounds like you. No parking, no traffic—you can even do sessions on your lunch break or in your office or car after work. Or you can do it from home while your child takes a nap or watches a couple epsides of Cocomelon. 😁 Online therapy makes mental health care so much more accessible for so many more people who wouldn’t otherwise have the time.

Also, some people find it easier to open up virtually as opposed to in-person. The screen can be a welcome buffer for some people that helps them let their guard down without feeling overly vulnerable. And you can have sessions from a place where you feel safe, like in your home, with your dog on your lap, a weighted blanket around your shoulders, and your favorite mug of tea in your hands if you want to.

Call today for a free consultation about online therapy in Washington state

If you’re looking for an online therapist in WA state, I would be happy to chat and see if we are a good fit! I help women to get unstuck and back on a path to feeling calm and connected to their best selves. Give me a call today for a free 15-min phone consultation.

How to find a therapist in Tacoma

So you’re looking for a therapist in Tacoma—where do you start? Here are some suggestions to get you started!

Ask friends if they have a therapist in Tacoma they love

Word of mouth is always the best! Do you have any friends or coworkers who have ever mentioned “Oh, let me tell you what my therapist told me once…” Thankfully there is less and less stigma around mental health these days, especially with younger generations, and many people are as excited to tell you about a therapist or type of therapy they loved as they are their favorite bahn mi shop! Don’t be afraid to ask around. Many people are glad to know that their experience can help others. Ask questions about where they found their therapist, how many therapists they interviewed before deciding on the right one, what helped them know their therapist was “the one,” and what they like the most about who they see.

Ask your doctor or medical professional for referrals

Another great source for a therapist in Tacoma is of course your doctor. You probably thought of that, but if you didn’t get the right recommendation, don’t stop there! Other medical professionals network and have therapists they know and trust as well. Think about asking your dentist, massage therapist, acupuncturist, or chiropractor.

Contact your insurance for therapist referrals and psychotherapy benefits coverage

Calling your insurance company has the benefit of only giving you referrals that are in-network with your plan. But in case you aren’t finding the therapist in Tacoma you want to work with, or they are full, don’t fret! You may still be able to use your insurance benefits with an out-of-network provider. Many people can still receive a percentage of reimbursement for services by mailing in a “superbill” (a receipt of services) to your insurance and then getting paid back later. When you call for in-network referral options, go ahead and ask about your out-of-network mental health benefits. That way, if you find the perfect therapist who is out-of-network, you’ll already know your options and may even be entitled for some money back.

And of course, Google it to find a therapist in Tacoma

I know you definitely thought of this one! But try a few different search terms in Google to see your options. Maybe you tried googling “therapist in Tacoma,” but did you know you can see different options if you search “counselor in Tacoma” or “anxiety therapist in Tacoma?” Try searching more specifically for the issues you want to work on or the type of therapy you want, like “therapist for women in Tacoma,” or “Lifespan Integration therapist in Tacoma.”

Also, there are some useful online directories where you can filter your search by the issue you want to work on, insurance preference, being seen in-person or virtually, narrowed down by zip code, and more! Definitely let these directory search tools help you find the perfect therapist in Tacoma for you.

www.psychologytoday.com

www.therapyden.com

Do I really need a therapist near me? Not anymore!

There wasn’t much good that came out of the worst of the pandemic (except maybe a wider selection of athleisure wear, thanks pandemic! 😂), but one good thing is that now almost all therapists offer online virtual appointments. This is great news for consumers because while you used to be limited to only seeing specialists in your immediate area, now you can look for a therapist in WA state! So think about widening your search from “therapist in Tacoma” to googling different major cities like Seattle, Spokane, Bellingham, etc. to see if you find a therapist who you think would be a good fit.

To find your perfect therapist, set up multiple consultation calls

Finally, I highly recommend that you set up multiple consultation calls with different therapists to find the right fit for you. Most everyone offers a free 15-min consultation call. And finding a therapist is a little like online dating—it takes some persistence to pay off usually! Just know that it is normal and encouraged to interview several people til you find someone who you feel a sense of comfort with and who works in a way that would best suit your needs.

If you are looking for a therapist in Tacoma or an online therapist in WA state, I would love to set up a free call to see if we are a good fit! I help women get unstuck from anxiety, depression, and negative patterns, and feel more connected to their authentic selves. Call today and take the next step in feeling better.

How Therapy Can Reduce Anxiety: The Anxiety Equation

In the next few blogs, I will be writing a series of tips for how to reduce anxiety. As an anxiety therapist in Tacoma, WA, most clients that I work with suffer from an anxiety disorder of one kind or another.

anxiety disorders are on the rise.

During the height of the pandemic in 2020-2021, we saw an increase in the prevalence of anxiety and depression from 36.4% to 41.5% (CDC). Even as the worst effects of the pandemic have waned, we have more global instability, financial pressures, and personal stressors than many of us have experienced before in our lifetime.

Now just because you have anxious feelings does not mean you have an anxiety disorder. Generally, something is considered an anxiety disorder if the symptoms you are having inhibit your functioning and cause persistent distress. There are several types of anxiety disorders including PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, burnout from work, caregiving, etc., obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety, and more. A therapist can explore your symptoms with you and work with you to understand if you meet the criteria for a diagnosis.

How therapy for anxiety has helped me.

As an anxiety therapist in Tacoma, WA, I am not immune to anxiety. I know firsthand the suffering that anxiety can cause. So I too have to stay vigilant of my own mental health and find strategies to reduce and manage anxiety in my life (which I do through working with my own therapist and practicing many of the techniques I share with clients). Today I want to share an “equation” of sorts that I personally have found immensely helpful in my own recovery from anxiety, and many of my clients have benefited from understanding this principle, too.

An anxiety disorder = OVERESTIMATING a sense of risk + UNDERESTIMATING your own ability to cope.

Is your mind-blown? 🤯 Not yet? Let’s break it down a little further.

Anxiety causes us to overestimate the risk of many situations.

One symptom of anxiety is hyper-vigilance. That means we constantly scanning our circumstances, environment, relationships, etc. for danger. This is actually a wonderful survival skill. We need to be aware to stay safe. But when we move from “normal” anxiety to “disordered anxiety,” it’s like these survival skills like hyper-vigilance get stuck in the on-switch. The brain and body don’t know how to relax and go back into our baseline of safety.

You’ve probably noticed that the more hyper-vigilant you are looking for a threat, the more you will find evidence of one. Have you ever thought you heard a sound in the house at night and your brain instantly goes toward a break-in? Those next moments in bed you are still as a statue and hyper-aware of every little creak of the house and gust of wind, and your brain can run away with this and create all sorts of scary scenarios.

Or maybe you get anxious about the feelings of anxiety itself in the body. This is common for people with panic disorder. We become afraid of feeling afraid. This can cause us to be hyper-vigilant about every little change in our bodies. We become concerned about any increase in heart or change in breathing. And if you are anxious about your heart rate and then start monitoring your heart rate, guess what—your heart rate is going to increase, and then the anxiety increases, and so the cycle goes.

These are examples of normal, everyday occurrences that our anxious brains can twist into things that feel really scary. In these examples, we are overestimating the risk of various scenarios.

anxiety causes us to underestimate our ability to cope.

The other piece of this equation is that when we have an anxiety disorder, we are prone to drastically underestimating our ability to cope in the situations we fear. Worry and overthinking really come into play here. Our brain shows us a horror movie marathon we never bought tickets for—images of ourselves devastated by an illness, ruined by financial loss, the butt of that joke whispered at the party, etc.

The brain is all too good at inventing scary stories. Weirdly, this is also rooted in survival. Your brain is always all about your survival as its number one priority, and it doesn’t know when it’s WAY TOO OVER-EAGER at its job! If your brain and body are dealing with disordered anxiety, it will want to influence your behavior to not do anything that is risky. And part of that is us imagining that these various scenarios will be too much for us to handle.

Something else that reinforces our false beliefs that we cannot cope well with the things we fear is something else that is a key player in every anxiety disorder: AVOIDANCE.

Avoidance will super-charge your anxiety.

It’s natural, you were bit by a dog as a kid, and subsequently, you are afraid of dogs, so you avoid dogs! But anxiety disorders tend to take on a life of their own. At first, you avoided owning a dog, but that fear can grow to never petting dogs, refusing to enter a house if there’s a dog there, breaking out into sweats when walking around your neighborhood for fear of running into a dog, etc. Every time we avoid the thing we are afraid of, avoidance is like a little reward to our brain. I don’t have to face that thing—a get out of jail free card, yay! But the more we do that, the more reinforce avoiding our fears, and teach our brain we are incapable of handling our fears! And so that fear grows.

This is how social anxiety blooms into more and more fear of meeting new people or going into public spaces. Or how agoraphobia (the fear of leaving one’s house or safe zone or familiar surroundings) starts to develop. We are less and less willing to tolerate risk because the brain has been rewarded time and time again by little avoidance treats that cut short our discomfort with facing our fears, even if it’s safe and necessary to do so.

So what’s the answer?

Reducing anxiety involves more accurately assessing risk and growing in confidence in our ability to tolerate discomfort.

The good news is there are many effective treatments for anxiety! Hurrah! We must learn to correct our exaggerated perceptions of risk by becoming aware of the thoughts we are having that scare us, deconstructing them, and replacing them with more accurate thoughts that are much more realistic about the danger. We must also learn to slowly start facing our fears in a safe environment so we can grow in confidence that we are capable of handling that discomfort. Through this process, we learn we are actually much more capable and resilient than we thought.

Another approach that is necessary is working with our bodies. Anxiety is not all in our heads. While addressing thinking is important, we also need a body-based approach. Most of the symptoms that give us discomfort are in our bodies—racing heart, upset digestion, sleeplessness, fatigue, etc.

This is why I love using the therapy brainspotting to help people who suffer from anxiety. It is a gentle body-based approach that heals without retraumatizing. Our goal here is to help your fight-flight-freeze system in your brain go back to its baseline and off of high alert. We are helping your nervous system to relax, which will also make it easier for you to change your thinking patterns to reduce anxiety as well.

I am an anxiety therapist in Tacoma, Wa and WA state.

Don’t suffer alone anymore! Finding an anxiety therapist in Tacoma, WA can help you to reduce anxiety, manage stress, and find peace again. Anxiety disorders are very treatable. Call today for a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if we are a good fit.

Therapy spotlight: What is Lifespan Integration and could it help me?

There are countless therapies out there and it can sound like alphabet soup—CBT, ACT, EMDR—OMG 😂 There are many therapy modalities that are effective and can work for you. Rarely is there one right answer, but instead many paths to healing. However, sometimes, a particular therapy deserves a shout-out among the rest for its usefulness when it comes to certain issues. So today I want to highlight the therapy LIfespan Integration (LI) and how it can help you in your healing journey.

What is Lifespan Integration Therapy?

From the Lifespan Integration website:

Lifespan Integration is a gentle, body-based therapeutic method that heals without re-traumatizing. In 2003, Peggy Pace published the first edition of her book, Lifespan Integration: Connecting Ego States through Time. Pace originally designed Lifespan Integration therapy for adult survivors of childhood abuse or neglect. She soon found that LI therapy facilitates rapid healing in people of all ages, and is effective with a wide range of therapeutic issues. Since 2004, Pace has been training therapists throughout the US and Western Europe.

“Lifespan Integration is a gentle, body-based therapeutic method which heals without re-traumatizing.”

Lifespan Integration is different from talk therapy in that our focus is not a cognitive approach that deals with changing thoughts or negative beliefs. LI is body-based, and utilizes repetitions of a visual timeline of memories to facilitate neural integration and rapid healing. By using the timeline from the client’s life, LI helps integrate a person’s sense of self throughout every stage of their life.

Using this panoramic approach of one’s entire life, the body can naturally allow traumatic memories to resurface without the therapist having to take the client deep into those difficult memories. We can work with those traumas with a light touch and help the body realize that those traumas are over and they are now in the present—the timeline proves to the body that this is so.

Repetitions of a timeline of the client’s memory cues are central to every LI protocol. Some LI protocols are focused on clearing body memory of trauma, and some are focused on building self-structure. Most LI protocols do some of both. In a typical LI session, the therapist will read the client’s timeline to them multiple times and the client will view their life as a movie. Other interventions will be done depending on our goal.

What kinds of issues is Lifespan Integration good for?

We can use Lifespan Integration to clear traumas, build self-esteem, help diffuse relationship stress, help with grief, target negative beliefs, decrease anxiety and depression, promote a calmer nervous system, and more. Lifespan Integration helps rewire a person’s nervous system to help them be more resilient to stress and better able to regulate their emotions. It does this through integrating neural pathways to create a solid core self.

Imagine a trampoline that was hanging by only a handful of springs, parts of the fabric flopping down. I bet you’d be nervous to jump, am I right? With good reason! There aren’t enough points of connection to provide that buoyancy against your weight.

But think of a properly assembled trampoline—there are dozens of points of connection all the way around between the fabric and the springs attached to the frame. The more points of connection, the stronger that trampoline is to support your weight, and the more fun you have jumping.

Lifespan Integration helps create those points of connection between all of our neural networks (which are stored all over our brain and body). The more internally connected we are (aka integrated), the stronger our core sense of self and well-being.

looking for lifespan integration therapy near you?

Imagine feeling you really know yourself deeply, and love who you are. Imagine cultivating a relationship of compassion with yourself at every stage throughout your life. Imagine getting to go back in time and “input” some of the love, affirmation, advocacy, and support that you needed back then, in a way that matters for your present-day self. Lifespan Integration allows you to do all these things in a way that is not just on the level of our thoughts, but in our very body itself.

I provide Lifespan Integration therapy in Tacoma, WA, and online to residents of WA. (Lifespan Integration therapy works very in online therapy, by the way)! If you'd like to find out more about Lifespan Integration and if this therapy is right for you, give me a call at 253-365-0403 to ask about counseling. I provide a free 15-min phone consult to see if we are a good fit.

Three Ways to Prevent Burnout

In my last post, we discussed some of the signs and symptoms of burnout, an increasingly common mental health threat in our modern lives. Burnout comes with feelings of anxiety, depression, cynicism, escapism, exhaustion, and sometimes even physical illness.

If you are experiencing stress as a result of your job, caregiving for family members, parenting, or other life stressors, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Let’s talk about three ways to intervene early to prevent burnout from getting you down.

1. Practice regular self-care

   Self-care is more than bubble baths and Netflix (though by all means, enjoy those when you can)! In their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, authors Emily and Amelia Nagoski take a deep dive into the research about what kinds of self-care are critical to preventing burnout. Chief among them is exercise.

   I highly recommend grabbing a copy of this book as it’s chockful of practical help on the topic of burnout. But, I know that if you’re reading a blog on burnout, you might not have the time or luxury to read a whole book. Understandable! If you can’t, then check out Brene Brown’s hour-long podcast with Emily and Amelia to get the Cliff notes version (which is still fabulous).

2. Evaluate and tune up your boundaries

   A major contributor to being overworked can be feeling over-committed. Many of us struggle to say no when we are asked to do things, even if we don’t have the time, energy, or money to do so. And these commitments add up fast. Beyond work there’s the request to attend the birthday party, host the family for the holidays, cover for the colleague who calls out sick, not to mention all the usual parenting, cleaning, cooking, and adulting we already don’t have time for.

   Learning to say “no” may be the key you need to save yourself and make life manageable again. Learning to listen to your body is essential in developing boundaries. Feelings of exhaustion, anger, resentment and dread are all clues that perhaps you have said “yes” when in your heart of hearts, you wanted (or needed) to say “no.” It takes courage to honor our inner voice.

   Warning: this tip is not for the faint of heart—establishing boundaries is hard! No wonder so many of us are burned out. Therapy can help immensely with learning to honor your inner voice and do the hard work of establishing your boundaries.

3. Develop your life outside of work

   Another crucial practice in reducing and preventing burnout is to replenish your soul with life-giving hobbies, relationships, and time spent outside of your responsibilities. I find it fascinating that the word “recreation” can actually be broken down into the words “re-creation.” When we allow ourselves to get lost in gardening, dancing, playing an instrument, doing improv comedy, swimming, or even stamp collecting—whatever floats your boat, including boating!—we are re-created by the joy and playfulness of life.

   You might have heard of “flow state,” which is a state of being where we are in a pleasant flow of doing or creating that we don’t even notice the passing of time. We just feel alive and at peace. This kind of emotional and neurological state of being has so many positive benefits for our mental health. What can you do to get back to being childlike again and explore a flow state?

therapy to help with burnout in tacoma, wa

If you’re suffering from burnout or want help to prevent it, therapy can help. I provide online therapy in WA state to help clients to rebalance their lives, support them to do the difficult work of establishing boundaries, and figure out how to make time for things that bring them joy. If you’d like to see if we are good fit to work together, give me a call at 253-365-0403 for a free 15-min consultation.

Understanding Burnout Symptoms

what are burnout symptoms?

Learn to recognize burnout symptoms and take action.

Likely you’ve heard about “burnout” from friends or colleagues suffering symptoms, news reports, or perhaps you’ve googled the term for yourself. Burnout is becoming increasingly common. In 2021, a study by Indeed found that 52% of participants were suffering from burnout, which is a higher number than pre-pandemic times (Forbes.com).

But was is burnout exactly? According to Verywellmind.com:

Burnout is a reaction to prolonged or chronic job stress and is characterized by three main dimensions: exhaustion, cynicism (less identification with the job), and feelings of reduced professional ability. More simply put, if you feel exhausted, start to hate your job, and begin to feel less capable at work, you are showing signs of burnout.

While burnout used to be associated specifically with workplace stress, THANKFULLY there is growing recognition that people can experience the same negative effects due to the stress of parenting, caregiving, and other types of things.

Here are some tips from a therapist in Tacoma on the signs that you may be dealing with burnout.

So what are some signs that you may be suffering from burnout?

1. An underlying sense of anger, resentment, or cynicism.

This is one of the most common symptoms of burnout that clients mention when they seek out counseling. Increased irritability, more fighting with your spouse, or perhaps feeling a shorter fuse than usual with kids. Maybe you notice that you blow up at the little things you used to shake off, like traffic delays.

A telltale sign of burnout can be a feeling of resentment toward your work or toward the stresses contributing to burnout, like parenting. Much of this irritation can come from a feeling of a lack of control. If you are frustrated at your job from things that you cannot change, like a lack of support from leadership, inability to do your job effectively, or if your workplace clashes with your values system, this can wear you down over time and lead to undercurrents of resentment and anger.

2. Increase of escapist activities like overuse of social media, overeating, drinking to excess, etc.

Do you have trouble coming home from work and binging on too much Netflix and junk food? Are you extremely tired and yet you can’t stop the late-night phone scrolling? Has a drink or two (or more) become a too often used strategy to take the edge off?

This is another very common sign I see with my clients that you may be dealing with burnout— over-indulging in escapist behaviors such as over-eating, overuse of social media. If you notice an over-reliance on these behaviors, especially if you feel unable to curb them, they might be a symptom of a deeper burnout problem.

3. You are starting to experience physical exhaustion, increased illness, or chronic health issues due to stress.

Sadly this is another common sign I see in my clients that indicates burnout, and that is physical health problems. Stress will build up in our bodies if we don’t have an adequate way of releasing it. This can manifest in numerous health problems such as fatigue and exhaustion, poor sleep, gastrointestinal issues, chronic headaches, chronic muscle tension and pain, heart palpitations, panic attacks, adrenal fatigue, depression, anxiety, and having a run-down immune system where you get sick more often.

get help for burnout—therapy tacoma

Don’t suffer alone! Counseling can help. Reach out to a therapist and they can help you assess the causes and symptoms of workplace/life stressors and if you are dealing with burnout, as opposed to anxiety and depression due to other causes. They can help you relieve symptoms in the short-term and find solutions to create a better outlook for you long-term so you’re not dealing with high levels of stress indefinitely.

Looking for Tacoma therapy? I work with women in Tacoma, WA and in WA state who are dealing with burnout. I would love to chat to see if we are a good fit. Call me today for a free 15-min phone consultation to start going from burned out to thriving in life again.

Quick Tip for Recovering People-Pleasers

Do you struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries? (I see that hand 😉). You’re not alone! People-pleasing is a common issue that comes up with many of my clients and is something that I have worked on a lot in my personal life as well.

What is people-pleasing?

One definition of people-pleasing is abandoning one’s self, desires, or needs in order to meet those of another. If this becomes a pattern of behavior, it means that we are chronically ignoring our own needs to try and garner praise or approval from others in an effort to shore up our own sense of well-being. The problem with this is that the approval of others is that it’s like junk food—it fills you up temporarily but leaves you hungry for something more nourishing later. If we are constantly de-prioritizing ourselves, we are going to have a lot of backlogged pain from our minimized needs. We might even find it hard to feel like we “know” ourselves because we are so used to abandoning ourselves and always thinking of others.

Where does people-pleasing come from?

People-pleasing can come from different places. There may be cultural or societal pressures that have celebrated serving others but have not celebrated us balancing our own needs and desires, too. As women, we are often socialized to put the needs of others ahead of our own. This may have been what was normal in our family of origin. Religion can play a role, too. As a Christian, I heard a lot about serving about sacrifice growing up in the church, but I did not also see the message of self-love and boundaries taught as clearly.

For many clients that I see, people-pleasing was a brilliant and resourceful strategy that their child-self picked up in order to figure out how to get their needs met. if it wasn’t safe to voice your needs growing up, or if your parents were not emotionally available or willing/able to meet your needs, you may have stumbled into people-pleasing as a way to get that emotional validation that every kid needs.

Personality can play a role, too. People-pleasing is something that Enneagram 2’s and 9’s can struggle with in particular. (I speak from experience here as a classic 2! 😁)

Resentment can be your helper—no, really!

So that brings us to the quick tip I want to give you today! If you struggle with people-pleasing, you are probably familiar with that feeling of resentment that sets in when you have committed to something that later you realize you never wanted to do. In the moment, it’s so easy to get caught up and acquiesce to the request. If we are long-time people-pleasers, it may feel very difficult in the moment to actually tap into your authentic self to know what you truly want or need. Our emotions are the signposts that let us know what we need and what our capacity is. But if you’re out of touch with your emotions, it may feel difficult in the moment especially to know what you need.

This is where resentment is your helper! Pay attention any time you notice yourself feeling this after you’ve committed to something. Sit with that feeling and let it show you what you wish you actually said, and why.

For example, a friend asks you to let them borrow your truck to move. You agree in the moment, but later feel resentment. As you explore that, you realize you don’t want to let them borrow your truck, because the last time someone did, they brought it back on empty and dirty. Or this is the 4th request for your truck in the past few weeks that you’ve gotten, and you’d actually like a weekend to yourself. Resentment is showing you your legitimate needs here—for respect for you and your possessions, and for rest.

In order to prioritize your needs as much as another person’s, we need to get present to our emotions, let them clue us in on our needs, and then take responsibility to get our needs met by setting boundaries.

So the quick tip is…

So, here’s an exercise I want you to try if you struggle with people-pleasing. When someone asks you to do something, instead of responding in the moment “yes” without thinking, I want you to use this phrase:

“Let me get back to you on that.””

This magic phrase will allow you the space to get quiet with yourself and truly identify your emotions around this request, and then follow those signposts to recognize your needs. When you do this, you can respond much more honestly and avoid the painful and costly feeling of resentment later because you abandoned yourself again.

You may realize after this time to reflect that you want to say no altogether, you want to say yes with parameters, or you realize you really are happy to say yes, and so you do so genuinely.

Now, you will probably notice a lot of discomfort if you try this, especially if it’s new for you. That discomfort is a good thing! You are building your boundary muscles and giving them a good workout. Any time we try something new, it’s going to feel foreign and maybe even “wrong” or “mean”—but you are not being mean by taking steps to actually honor and care for yourself. This will help prevent you from being burnt out, and allow you to have juice in your tank to take care of yourselves and others freely and without resentment.

I recommend you try this exercise wholeheartedly for at least 2 weeks to get the hang of it. Notice what comes up for you and practice sitting with the discomfort of not pleasing people all the time. The more you do it, the easier it will get, and the better you will feel taking care of yourself.

Counseling in tacoma, wa to help you with boundaries

If you’d like some support in learning to prioritize you, set healthier boundaries, and learn to love yourself better, counseling can help! Working with a counselor can help you understand where these patterns come from in your family of origin or background, and how you can replace these strategies with healthier ones so you can avoid burning out or living in resentment. Give me a call today at 253-365-0403 if you’d like to see if we’d be a good fit to help you reach these goals.