My #1 tip for making friends as an adult
It’s can be hard to make friends as an adult, am I right? In college, it we are surrounded by sea of peers and have opportunities ripe for the picking between dorms, classes, and a million extra-curriculars. But when you’re in the “real world,” the options are a lot more limited.
And certain factors can make it even harder, like moving away from the town you grew up in, working in a job where you are fairly isolated, demanding life responsibilities that take up your free time, or making lifestyle changes that require you to set some boundaries with your old friends in order to support the habits of a healthier adult. All that ON TOP of Covid-19 social distancing.
NPR did a story about a recent study that found that 3 out of 5 Americans are lonely. This is a big issue I hear from my clients. Many don’t have the social support system they wish they did. And loneliness is correlated with higher instances of anxiety, depression, and even shorter lifespans. It is crucial to well-being that we are able to cultivate loving, vulnerable, and fulfilling friendships.
So, I wanted to share my #1 tip that perhaps you haven’t considered as a tool to making friends as an adult. This has been working wonders for me personally, and maybe it will for you, too.
Drumroll please……
My #1 tip to making friends as an adult is to enroll in interactive classes—about anything!
Now don’t roll your eyes—I’m not talking about Algebra II classes, unless math is your idea of thrilling Friday night. But these days you can take classes on a million fun hobbies or skills that not only would enrich your life, but give you the chance to meet really cool people you wouldn’t have met otherwise.
A few years ago in NC, I started taking adult 101 tennis classes through my local rec department. It was such a blast! I got to get exercise, learn a new sport (which I wish I had started playing years ago, it’s so fun), and I made several friends whom I could get together with on weekends to play tennis and then go have drinks. Everyone in that class was so open to connecting and getting together. Tacoma has cool tennis opportunities, by the way (GTC, Sprinker Center).
This is our hip hop class performing the Backstreet Boys “Everybody”—for one night, all my 90’s hip hop dreams came true and then some. 😜
More recently, in terms of fitness classes, I started taking hip hop dance lessons to fulfill my childhood dreams of being a hip hop star. 😏 That dream is still far off, but I’ve had a blast getting to make new friends there and learning to be more confident and feel good moving my body. Big props to Tacoma Dance Studios and Hip Hop with Tiffany in particular! 10/10 recommend these classes for super friendly people and welcoming to beginners.
Some of my improv pals after our first ever performance. You don’t have to perform publicly in improv if you don’t want to, but it was an incredible rush and an awesome bonding experience for all of us. Doing something way out of your comfort zone is an awesome way to make new friends.
A couple years ago I started taking improv comedy classes (shout-out to Unexpected Productions and Tacoma Improv, Play and Games Meetup). I had always enjoyed watching improv comedy, and I really wanted to feel less “in my head” and more authentically msyelf around people. Improv is nothing like stand-up comedy. You don’t have to be “the funny one” in your group of friends to do it—anyone can do it. It’s about learning to listen, saying yes to ideas, and learning to live in the moment. It’s fantastic and I would recommend it to ANYONE. I was really nervous to try it, but it was addictive once I did! And improve introduced me to so many cool people I could have never met otherwise. Almost everyone who gravitates toward improv is there to become more confident and build relationships, so it’s a great place to make friends with very fun, non-judgmental people.
During quaratine, my class of choice has been a middle grade and young adult writing class. This is a class that meets on Zoom through the Hugo House, and it has the benefit of being 9 months long. So once a week I get to log on and see my writing friends. I’ve enjoyed meeting everyone in the big class, but most of all, I’ve loved our small groups that have given me the chance to get to know 4 other people more in-depthly. It’s the highlight of my week getting to chat stories with these folks, and I appreciate so much how different we are from one another, and yet we have so much in common when we come together over a shared activity.
There’s a million things out there to try. Meetup.com is a great place to find groups who gather over shared hobbies. I recommend trying to find classes that are interactive instead of just asynchronous learning, that way you get that chance to meet people and have real interactions.
Taking a class can give you so many benefits, like:
It takes the pressure of “small talk” and that awkwardness we all feel in new situations, since we can put the focus on doing the activity and letting the get-to-know talk come naturally.
Meeting people very different from you whom you wouldn’t have known otherwise
Revisit childhood pasttimes or dreams you never got to try. (Great way to participate in that inner child work!)
Give you the chance to LAUGH and not take life so seriously (I know I need this!)
Introduce you to a new hobby to breath something fresh and spontaneuous into your week
Extend your web of friends. We need all kinds of friends in our life. Not every has to be a bestie—there’s so much value in friends you can just be goofy with, share a kind word with, or grab coffee outside of class once in a while.
Help you feel empowered. You are made to be loved and enjoyed in relationships. Sometimes we can get stuck feeling passive and not know how to move forward in making new friends. Taking a class is a concrete action step you can take toward this goal. When you take that step, I believe that energy will come back to you in opportunities to meet people.
Your community of people are out there! You will enrich their lives, and they will enrich yours. These are just a few ideas to get you started—drop more ideas in the comments of classes you’ve taken or want to try in order to meet people!