Are you your own worst critic?

One thing I have noticed amongst my clients is that most of them tend to be their own worst critics. Can you relate?

• Are you haunted by an internal voice or feeling that’s always pushing you to do more, be more, or be better?

• Do you tend to dwell on the one negative piece of feedback even when it’s far outnumbered by positives (positives you can’t even remember, to be honest)?

• Do you motivate yourself toward self-growth by looking at all the ways you fall short?

• Do you fixate on things you don’t like about your appearance instead of being able to lovingly appreciate your body?

• Do you compare yourself to others, on social media or in real life, and always come up short?

If you said yes to any of these, you might struggle with self-compassion. In this blog, I unpack what self-compassion is, why it’s so crucial to good mental health and self-growth, and how a therapy called brainspotting can help you cultivate more self-compassion in your everyday life. If you’re curious to find a brainspottting therapist in Tacoma, WA or brainspotting therapy online in WA state, keep reading.

What is self-compassion?

Brene Brown very simply defines self-compassion as this:

“Talk to yourself as you would to someone you Love.” 

It means treating ourselves with warmth, kindness, empathy, and grace when we mess up. It means being honest with ourselves about our mistakes and shortcomings, but not berating ourselves for these things. Instead, we forgive ourselves and lovingly encourage ourselves to continue on the path of growth.

In practice, it can be helpful to reflect on our self-talk and actions with this question: would I say these things to a friend I love or a beloved child?

If not, then we’re probably tuned into the voice of the inner critic, rather our intuitive sense of self-compassion.

According to psychologist and self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, self-compassion can even change our body chemistry:

Self-Compassion or soothing our own pain triggers the release of the hormone oxytocin. An increased level of oxytocin is related to increased feelings of trust, calm, safety, generosity, and connectedness. (Neff, 2019).  

Neff goes on to break down self-compassion into three main elements: mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness.

Each of these three elements happens to also be a key part of brainspotting. Let’s look at each to understand how brainspotting therapy can help you cultivate self-compassion.

What is brainspotting therapy and How can it help me cultivate self-compassion?

Brainspotting promotes rapid, permanent, and deep change in the brain through a gentle method.

Brainspotting is a powerful technique that is a combination of neuroscience, somatic therapy, mindfulness, and the healing power of the relationship between you and a caring, attuned therapist.

In a nutshell, brainspotting is staring at a point in your visual field that helps to activate an emotional issue you want to process. The brain uses this eye position to help you activate these neural networks in the brain and body, and it goes to work re-processing them as you practice mindfulness with the help of your therapist.

If you’ve heard of EMDR, brainspotting is similar, but instead of eye movements, we use one or two eye placements to access healing in the deep parts of the brain. It is effective for processing trauma, decreasing anxiety and depression, improving performance, overcoming creative blocks or stuck points, and so much more.

Let’s explore how each of Kristin Neff’s three elements of self-compassion is an integral part of brainspottting.

brainspotting and Mindfulness

One way to think about mindfulness is that we create a little distance between ourselves and difficult feelings. Instead of being overly identified and fused to these things, we step back just a little and observe what is happening in our body, mind, and spirit. This helps us to accept our feelings and not add to our suffering through resisting them.

Brainspotting helps us to practice mindfulness by allowing us to observe what we are feeling, thinking, or sensing, and to allow those feelings. With the help of the brainspot which promotes deeper subcortical processing, and the attunement of a therapist to help us hold that space, brainspotting teaches us mindfulness through doing.

brainspotting and common humanity

Common humanity refers to the universalness of our struggles. Sometimes we can feel alone in our painful emotions. Shame can trick us into believing that we are uniquely flawed and separated from others. But self-compassion brings us back to the truth that all humans are vulnerable, flawed and imperfect. Kristin Neff points out how our suffering connects us to others, rather than separates us.

In brainspotting, attunement between client and therapist is essential and helps clients to practice self-acceptance rather than self-judgment. The level of connection between therapist and client in a brainspotting session is profound, and helps promote a healing experience of being seen, loved, and cared for, as well as not alone.

brainspotting and kindness

Essential to self-compassion is practicing kindness towards one’s self. Instead of beating ourselves up for mistakes or failures, through self-compassion we learn to lovingly forgive and encourage ourselves, as we would a dear friend or beloved child.

In brainspotting, we put kindness toward self into action. The therapist helps the client to practice this self-kindness through non-judgment and curiosity toward whatever feeling, thought, or emotion is coming up. This helps us learn how to find that safe space within ourselves that we need to truly heal. Over time it can transform our relationship with ourselves so that it becomes easier to give ourselves self-compassion rather than spiraling into self-criticism as the default.

How to find a brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA or online therapy in WA state

What I love most about brainspotting is that you are literally practicing self-compassion in the moment, rather than just talking about it. It’s like the difference between talking about lifting weights and actually lifting weights. Brainspotting allows us to get in there and do the work in real-time. And because of that, clients experience rapid, real, and lasting change as a result.

Call today for a free consultation with a therapist in Tacoma, WA

I love being a brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA and working with clients all over WA state through video sessions. (Brainspotting is very effective over telehealth, by the way, if you were wondering).

If you’d like to try brainspotting for yourself, call today for a free 15-min consultation with me. I’d love to see if we are a good fit and to help you transform your relationship and experience the self-compassion you deserve.